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Another day, another slew of articles about marriage. Who's doing it. How successful they are. (Turns out living together first decreases your chances! Who knew?) And how "the path" to marriage "has been obscured" by icky, newfangled, lets-hang-out dating culture.
Marriage: Not The Singular Goal Of All Womanity
Seeded on Thu Mar 4, 2010 9:40 AM EST
Article Source: Jezebel: Celebrity, Sex, Fashion for Women. Without Airbrushing.- Enjoy this article? Help vote it up the 'Vine.
- Public Discussion (57)
Marriages Last Longer Than Living Together, glowers the Reuters headline. You have to read to the bottom of paragraph two before learning this CDC study reveals that the principal reason cohabitation is less enduring than marriage is...because most cohabiting couples turn into married couples within three years of signing their first lease. Also, most 13-year-olds turn 14 within the year!
- 5 votes
#1 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 9:41 AM EST"Womanity"?
- 2 votes
#2 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 9:53 AM ESTLOL. Word used to mean women by a person who does not want to buy into the traditional term of "femininity" which is loaded with contexts that do not apply to all women.
- 6 votes
I like it! I think it should be declared an official word and I will use it often and hope it spreads, with your permission.
- 4 votes
LOL. I didn't coin it, and its use is growing. So please do help spread it.
- 4 votes
Loretta, good seed. My daughter (21) is currently "playing the field" although two of the guys she recently dated were pushing for a commitment from her. The first demanded she be monogamous after only 1 weeks acquaintance. 1 week and already he was demanding that and that she get on the BC pill because he doesn't like to use condoms. I told her he was a control male. And that if she did enter into a relationship with him she would be under his thumb for a long time. She is too free a spirit for that & so she told him that she did not want to get on the pill (it does not mix well with other meds she is on) and he told her then they couldn't date. She said fine & does not even return his text messages (yes, he still texts her). The one she is "seeing" now wants a committed relationship, but she has told him that since she will be graduating in May & either going to Grad school somewhere else or getting a job back home it would be foolish for them to enter such a relationships at this time. He has accepted that & they do still go out. As I read this article I thought of her because she (at this time) does not see herself ever married. I told her that it was her decision. She may change her mind, she may not. But to keep "scaring" young women into marriages with the idea that living together will never work out is wrong. Why must everything come back to the thought that women are failures if they do not marry & bear children?
Long and slightly off-topic? But this is what I thought about as I read the article linked.
- 6 votes
#3 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 10:01 AM ESTNot off-topic at all.
You're right about the first guy being a control freak. The demand for a commitment too soon is one of the leading indicators of an abuser who is highly likely to turn violent later. He was testing the waters to see if she would be obedient and give control of her life to him.
Women need to be exceedingly careful of the "love at first sight, let's get married right away" man. If he can't wait, there's a reason: he knows she'll find out what he's really like because he can't maintain the facade for very long.
Why must everything come back to the thought that women are failures if they do not marry & bear children?
Let's face it. Marriage is a relic of patriarchal control of women. If women refuse to marry and become burdened with children, how are men going to control them? Of course, not all who push marriage are men. Women who still believe in it will also push single women to get married.
I was flicking channels the other day and came across Tyra. There was a single woman, her sister and her mother on. The mother was telling Tyra that it was unacceptable for her daughter to remain single (daughter looked late twenties) and that she would never stop complaining until she married. Sister said single woman needed "some stability in her life" (meaning marriage and kids, of course). Single woman was trying to tell them she would never marry because she's happy being single and pursuing her career. They were having none of it. Didn't matter that she was happy or successful. Only mattered that she wasn't "stabilized" through turning her life over to taking care of others.
Tyra was taking single woman's side and was shocked at mother and sister. I'm not shocked so much as angered. I had the same pressures on me when I was young. I never wanted marriage or children -- ended up with both. Marriage was a disaster. Made up my mind never to give into the pressure again and haven't. But my mom kept the pressure up until the day she died.
I was hoping that things would change more by this time.
- 8 votes
The women that I work with are completely appalled that I accept my daughter's decisions and that I am not pushing her to commit and have accepted the fact that my daughter does not like children & has told me repeatedly she will not be having any (might be a deal killer for any relationship she is in - and I have discussed that with her). I would never place my wish for grandchildren over her wish to be herself, I lived with a woman that hated children & had six (my mother). It was a miserable life, so I tell my daughter that if she doesn't want children she had better be very very responsible in her sex life. But these women still see that my daughter is not fulfilling her life as a woman by getting into a committed relationship, marrying & having babies. They keep telling me "she will change her mind". I believe they are very very wrong. One of these women just broke up her son's marriage by talking him into staying in NY when she was offered a job in FL. She has always hated the daughter-in-law and that became even more obvious when the DIL decided that she did not want children. BOOM - out she goes.
- 6 votes
They keep telling me "she will change her mind".
What they mean is she will get pushed into something she doesn't want by people like them. They are not respecting that fact that it is her decision, and she alone knows what is best for her.
I too was raised by a mother who didn't want to be raising all of us. I don't know if she didn't like children at all or if she just hated raising seven kids. Either way, it was misery. She was a highly intelligent woman who went to work later in life (after getting a divorce) and loved it. She would have been far better off to be a career woman from the beginning. Of course, in the early 1940s, that wasn't a choice.
Every time I see one of these yahoos demanding that women give up reproductive choice, I think of her. It makes me all the more determined that women's rights and choices be expanded, not taken away. We can not be an emotionally healthy society when half the adults are forced into roles they do not want.
- 7 votes
I know what you mean. My parents married after knowing each other three months because they wanted to have sex & in 1954 that is how the "good girls" did it. She got pregnant with my eldest brother on their honeymoon. In a ten year span she had 6 kids (me being the last) and then got on BC pills.
I know my daughter wants what she wants & right now anyways that is living as free as possible with no one's feelings to worry about but her own. She admits to being selfish & narcissistic, but HELL she is only 21. Now is the time for her to be free & selfish. At least that is what I think. And if she chooses to stay that way, more power to her.
- 6 votes
Yeah. BC wasn't available before the mid-1960s. At least, not anything very effective. Even then, it could be hard to get. Doctors felt they had the right to make that decision for you and too bad if you did not agree. We've come a long way from those days, but we need to stay vigilent because there are those who want to take away our choices.
- 6 votes
I hear you. Florida's little groups that want to outlaw BC measures. Utah passing laws that would make any "normal" pregnant woman shudder. Trying to give rights to fetuses. I tell my daughter (who swears she is not a feminist) that she had better stay on her toes & fight to keep the rights that women have gained to fight for others that are still denied (Equal pay). I haven't yet broken the news that in truth she is a feminist. She has the impression that feminists are man hating bra burners, but I am having her read lots of books on the subject (including those of the ladies from the 1800s - the original feminists).
- 5 votes
and nica, if you'd be willing to pass along one tid-bit of experience to your daughter for me.....if she ever decides to have children, she shouldn't have more children that she can pay for, you just never know if the dad will become a complete jerk and do everything in his power to NOT pay childsupport, if that means just having one that she can support, then so be it.
- 5 votes
kj, I will pass that along to her. Thank you for the advice.
- 3 votes
They keep telling me "she will change her mind". I believe they are very very wrong
I heard that line from family and friend for most of my 20s. Now that I am in my late 30s, I don't hear it much at all! My parents know that I have never wanted kids and are accepting, but one aunt would make remarks that I am "missing out on a great experience--" she was in her mid-30s when she decided to get pregnant and raise a kid alone, though the dad is involved. My cousin is today a smart UCLA honors graduate of 22. Good for my aunt, she followed what she wanted to do.
My extended family has come to accept me as the single lady in San Francisco and I am very happy with my decisions about not having kids or a husband--I don't even date much, I have Asperger's and don't really like another person in my space. Will I look back and regret this when I am 65? Who knows? One could also regret having kids and a husband, too.
I like my freedom, my space, it works for me. I'm also proud of my other cousins, 2 of whom are married, one with 2 kiddos, one expecting in July. One was only 22 when married, though I think that young, it was her choice, not mine.
- 4 votes
TJG, I am just hoping that she does not allow herself to be pressured into anything for the sake of convention. I think people should be able to do these types of things that make them happy, not make their family happy (parents, siblings, cousins). Hindsight being 20/20 and although I love my kids to death I think I may have been better off as a single person (still married after 25 yrs - not happy years). I like to be alone, read and think. See already at 45 I look back and have regrets. Who doesn't? But I am happy that you chose to go your own way and are happy in that choice.
- 2 votes
Thankfully for your daughter, convention today is very different than it was even when I was growing up. Though seeing my 2 cousins, who are sisters, and how young they married, I wonder if the "millenials" are more inclined to marriage than us Gen X'ers.
And I see my mom, who got pregnant with me at 19 and wonder what her regrets are. She married my dad and they are still together--37 years!!!--but I often wonder if either wish they had more time to explore, to be kids, to be together without the responsibility of being a parent. But being a parent so young has given them the advantage of being empty nesters before the age of 50. My mom was barely 40 when I headed to college.
I agree, live for what makes you happy, not to please anyone else. It seems that your daughter is doing great if she was so quick to kick that controlling guy to the curb!
- 3 votes
So what does the article say about couples who live together, then get married, then get divorced....did it not last because they lived together first? They didn't break up when they lived together, but after they got married....oh hell, I'm talking about myself.....
My real question is, am I a two time loser or just a one time?
- 5 votes
#4 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 10:10 AM ESTWho says you're a loser? You took a chance. It didn't work out. But you didn't shy away from life. The only time we lose is when we are too afraid to live life to its fullest.
There is nothing we can do that does not risk making mistakes. In fact, becoming good at anything means we will make mistakes. We cannot learn to roller skate or ride a bike without falling. Same for relationships. We're gonna make mistakes. It's part of learning what kind of relationship and guy works for you and how to make it work.
A wise woman I knew when I was young had this sign over her bed. I'm so glad I had the good sense to comtemplate it: I have never loved and lost because I have loved.
- 6 votes
Sorry Loretta, I meant according to the Jezebel article, would I be a one-time or two-time loser, because the man I moved in with got kicked out and so did the man I married, but since they were the same man.......
I actually took champagne to work the day I got divorced, ......but at 60 he still doesn't have a pot to piss in.....so I know I'm not the loser!!!!!
- 4 votes
kj, ah champers to celebrate liberation. The only way to go.
- 2 votes
4.2: I actually took champagne to work the day I got divorced, ......but at 60 he still doesn't have a pot to piss in.....so I know I'm not the loser!!!!!
LOL. I get the same feeling. When I left him, he told me I'd end up in the gutter without him. So much satisfaction knowing I did a good job of putting my life back together.
- 6 votes
Mine, told me I should ask the court for joint custody because that was the best I was going to get.....he'd make sure the court knew about my alcoholic father and gay brother....this from the man who has seen his son once in 16 years, and owes over $120,000 in back support and interest charges.....yep, I fell off the ladder for a short time, but baby I'M BACK.....lol
And for any men reading this.....it's not to bash you.....just him! I've been with a very good man for the past 24 years!
- 5 votes
Living together for long periods strikes me as an eminently logical option. For one thing, even if a given relationship is ultimately unsuccessful, cohabitation socializes you into the ways of a partnership, sensitizes you to living full-time in the presence of another person, and their needs, and teaches you how to recognize your own needs, too.
I agree with the logic here. I played house several times before I got married (with someone I didn't live with prior). The lessons of those earlier experience served pretty well, in retrospect.
I think the "dangers of cohabitation" meme is of a type with "dangers of emotional affairs" and "dangers of internet porn addiction" -- not founded so much on evidence and analysis as on anxieties over changes in society and technology, and a longing for the "good old days."
- 3 votes
#5 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 11:13 AM ESTThe whole "women better hurry up and get married" meme is just silly. Why aren't similar articles written to men? After all, don't we need as many men getting married as women?
The true message is that a woman is not a full human in her own right, that she only becomes "complete" when she's pledged to put her life behind those of her husband and children. No one would ever make that argument to a man.
The same for sex before marriage. People still want to pretend that a woman who is in control of her own sexual choices is "losing." As in: lost her virginity, decent men won't want her, etc. Again, no one would make that argument to a man.
Until women no longer hear those arguments about their personal choices, they will not be considered equal or treated as equals. And that is the entire point of the whole "women lose when they aren't married" silliness.
- 6 votes
I agree!! I am 33 and single, and like it that way. I don't answer to anyone, explain when and where I spend MY money, or worry about how I will get out of a bad marriage. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MEN, which is another reason i am single, LOL!!
These posts remind me of my favorite bumper sticker, ' A woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle'.
- 8 votes
Loretta, I'm 58! The problem, as I see it , began years ago when the media (newspaper?) came out with the idea that there were more women then men after a certain age. If you weren't married before that .........! Well, that started the "frenzy" of what ,continues to this day! At my Daughter's day care (she was 5) ,the kids didn't play "tag", they played "i got to get me a boyfriend"! So help me GOD! That's the truth! I was told this by the woman who was shocked by it ,too!
No one can tell US what will work for US! We have to decide for ourselves. I've been married and divorced x2. Don't know if I can live with anyone ever again. I've learned to be on my own and like coming/going when I choose. No one telling me what to do. Not picking up after any one but myself. Laundry! HaHaHa! Oh, cooking vs going out!
nica, good for your Daughter! You raised her well!!!!! When the busy bodies ask about her? Just say , she's doing well, Thank You! NO further explanations are necessary. They may never understand why, but that's OK. If they get pushy, tell them , it's none of their business. It isn't!
- 5 votes
Just the singular goal of MOST of womanity.
#6 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 11:37 AM ESTIf that's their goal, then why are there more single women than married women for the first time in our history? Why do more women file for divorce than men? Why did the last census show that the traditional man/woman/child household only comprise 25% of all households?
Now that women have viable career options, fewer and fewer are choosing to participate in marriage.
- 7 votes
why are there more single women than married women for the first time in our history?
Growing up with divorced parents because dad cheated leads to a distrust in the institution.
Why do more women file for divorce than men?
Men cheat more.
Why did the last census show that the traditional man/woman/child household only comprise 25% of all households?
More divorce, because men cheat more.
- 2 votes
Women can support themselves. We don't have to settle for a guy that isn't good for us. Some of us still do and pay the price. That doesn't mean single women aren't abused and killed.
When my son didn't want to get married, I worried about MY divorces. Did that affect their decision? They eventually got married and are still. He's doing better then his parents.
My Daughter just got divorced and married. We can't tell them what to do. I was reminded of that by her! Sigh!!!! I didn't ask my parents, either.
- 3 votes
Growing up with divorced parents because dad cheated leads to a distrust in the institution.
Many of us women who don't want marriage grew up in stable homes. My parents have been married for 37 years. They did fight--my mom is fabulous at the exploding out of nowhere, slamming doors and ignoring a person for a few days argument--but always move on.
- 4 votes
6.2: Growing up with divorced parents because dad cheated leads to a distrust in the institution.
Dads have always cheated. It that was the reason, women would have chosen to remain single centuries ago.
Why should a woman choose to marry when she's perfectly able to support herself? Marriage is a bad deal for women. Would you choose to marry if the concept of marriage was "woman dominate, man submissive," "man to be obedient to wife who owns him," or "woman gets to batter man in order to keep him in line"?
Women today know they are equal, even though lots of men want to keep pretending they aren't. That's where relationships break down. He wants to do the "Me Tarzan, you jane" routine. She wants him to grow up.
Just ain't our cup of tea.
- 5 votes
I don't care about statistics or traditions...I only want someone who wants to be here, not someone who feels obligated or fears repercussions divorce puts people through etc. To me it is that simple. To me it is how you feel around that person whether you have a piece of paper or not stating you have a commitment.
The only commitment I can honestly make is to be truthful about how I feel in that relationship. The truth gives you more options and choices based on reality and not some social/cultural/religious rules. When I commit to someone, I commit to making the best decisions for myself and them and in order to be able to make such decisions honesty has to be the key ingredient otherwise your decisions are based on BS or some rules others have placed upon you. I understand that my decisions will effect them in a committed relationship and their decisions will effect me.
- 6 votes
#7 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 12:27 PM ESTGood points. It is so much more natural to stay together as long as it is good and then to move on. Having to endure a divorce guarantees that there will be more hurt and pain. If there are children involved, that added onus is going to add more suffering to them.
- 3 votes
i always thought the singular goal of all women just wanted to be happy (of course knowing what makes you truly happy is another issue) and do what makes them happy as long as it didnt sacrifice their well being (of course i could be wrong, or my wife could have her own agenda, which could explain why i do most of the house work).
- 5 votes
#8 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 12:32 PM ESTI guess you could say that, personally i am just surprised to find someone willing to put up with me when i go insane.
- 1 vote
My parents were together for 22 years until my Mothers death. They were never married. Both my Mom and Dad had been married once before they met each other.Each of them were awesome examples of love, kindness and respect.
You don't have to get married to be commited to each other. Just because a women chooses not to marry, does not mean she does'nt love her mate. It does not make her flighty, wishy-washy, or a man hater. It simply means, I think, that she is looking out number one. In my book thats OK.
I have had several friends who got married right out of high school and started families. I sometimes worry about what will happen to them if they got divorced or their husband dies.
P.S. Calmandgentle. OMG!!! Now I'm wodering if the ' I gotta get a boyfriend' game is being played at my daughters daycare. Thanks for the insite, except, I'm a liitle freaked out right now.
- 5 votes
#9 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 6:51 PM ESTI'm not a fan of marriage nor "living together" either. I love my space way too much. If I ever do, I'll pinch myself and really hard too.
As for living together meaning that a couple is more likely to last is a lie. My own brother lived with his now ex-wife for 4 1/2 years before marrying and still divorced in 2006. I have plenty of friends and colleagues who did that and were no better off than those who didn't live together. Some are meant to be and others are not, and living together doesn't truly change it if the communication is labile and commitment not shared by both.
What I did notice is that those maintain committed to the relationship and their partner ( and continuous honest communication!) were the most most likely to succeed whether they lived together previously or not.
- 5 votes
#10 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 8:54 PM ESTI've never been married and never aspired to be. I knew at 9 or 10 years of age that I never wanted to participate in that effort. Actually, I saw it as slavery after watching my mom, my aunts, my friends parents, etc. I wanted nothing to do with it.
When I was in high school, one of our senior year requirements for second semester bible class was to choose a partner and plan a wedding. I was pissed but decided that I would go through with it. The same afternoon after we "chose" a partner, I went to mine and said, "OK, we need to start working on this". His response was, "You do it". I said "EXCUSE ME??? NO WAY!" All he did was laugh and walk away. I realized then and there that even the assignment was too close to marriage for me. The day before the assignment was due, he came to me and asked how it was going. I responded, "I don't know, ____. What have you done?" His face fell. I think I heard him say "Oh @!$%#." In my school, if you got an F or an Incomplete your senior year, you didn't graduate. Fortunately, I had enough credits and my scores in ALL areas were far too high for them to hold me back. I did indeed graduate (I don't know about him, he wasn't in the lineup graduation weekend. His own fault as far as I'm concerned. But his dad was one of the teachers so I'm sure he pulled it off) but that experience taught me a lesson.
I thought it was incredibly sexist even then that we had to plan a WEDDING at 18 years of age and that the entire semester the boys got off, goofed around and were given grades on the effort and work the girls did for class. No way am I going to be bullied into doing something I don't believe in! And certainly not by a "fake" partner. Some may see that stunt as incredibly stupid but to this day I'm VERY proud that I stuck to my guns and did what I thought was right.
- 3 votes
#11 - Thu Mar 4, 2010 10:38 PM ESTI'm more concerned about getting an apartment than I am about marriage, and with the way women are looked at these days I'm in no hurry to get married anyway.
- 4 votes
#12 - Fri Mar 5, 2010 4:09 AM ESTI knew at a young age, 13 or 14, that I wasn't that interested in having children. I never wanted to be married before the age of 30. I bought my first house at 31. I'm now 46 and still single. I'm fine with it, I didn't plan to never marry or not to be at least "dating", but that's what it is. I keep busy with work, I adopt rescue dogs, I continue to my education. I travel when I want to, I see friends or stay home when I want to. Although I am at times lonely and miss having a companion, being alone is MUCH better than being in a bad relationship. I had plenty of those in my twenties. And, I have a friend with benefits, when I'm in the mood.
I've watched most of my friends marry and divorce, some twice. One friend told me that just before starting divorce proceedings, her then husband looked at her and said "I loathe the sight of you." Ouch. I'd rather be on my own forever than have someone say that to me.
The two most successful couples I know, outside of family, are two gay male couples. They've been together 25 and 23 years respectively. Ironic isn't it?
- 4 votes
#13 - Fri Mar 5, 2010 2:46 PM ESTVery! I knew I never wanted biological kids nor marriage at the age of 4 and have not wavered since and I'll be 42 this summer and no regrets.
Excellent post!
+++claps++++
- 3 votes
This kind of stuff always makes me laugh. I find it amusing that people still have the attitude that women need to get married and have kids to be happy. As a kid I remember planning my wedding, and looked forward to that day. Then I grew up and realized that marriage is pretty much a sham. Half end in divorce, and some of the marriages that don't, well they really aren't happy. My dad was a control freak and a big a@@, so that obviously did not help with my view on marriage, but thankfully even after that I learned to love and appreciate the good men out there. I have been in a committed relationship for almost 7 years now, and we don't have any plans of getting married or having kids. I have nothing against people who want to marry. Heck my other 3 siblings all got married, but no one should feel pressured to get married. Non married couples don't love each other any less than married couples do.
- 4 votes
#14 - Fri Mar 5, 2010 6:42 PM ESTToo many people are talking about marriage when they are really thinking about the wedding. Two different cups of tea.
A wedding is pomp and circumstance, with everyone celebrating and all kinds of beauty around you. It lasts for an afternoon.
Marriage is supposed to last a lifetime and is hard work. I suspect one of the biggest reasons why marriages don't last is because the bride and groom only wanted to be a bride and groom, dancing the night away and having permission to enjoy sex without guilt. What they didn't bargain on is how hard it is to be a married couple.
- 3 votes
talking about marriage when they are really thinking about the wedding
Finally someone who seems to share the same viewpoint as me and mine. Of course we believe that marriage is simply a contract that entitles you and yours to certain protections guaranteed by the state in exchange for engaging/not engaging in certain lawful behaviors that you and your spouse discuss and determine before the marriage. That is why we are having a simple justice of the peace ceremony, with only close friends and relatives, we have even agreed not to wear rings (with my profession and broken finger, as well as her profession, we feel this is more practical).
- 3 votes
I never wore a ring either. As a horsewoman, it would have been dangerous. My father almost had his finger torn off because it got caught in the mane of a pony who was galloping off (he was on the ground). Rings are dangerous around machinery too. Not for me.
I married once, simple wedding. Got divorced knowing I'd never marry again. Wasn't for me. I want control of my own life without someone else having the legal right to interfere. Plus it is so nice to rise and not have someone to cater to.
- 3 votes
Hey Loretta,
I never thought about like that before, but that makes a lot of sense. It seems like the wedding is supposed to be the high point of the marriage. That seems sad to me. There should be many high and low points of a marriage (or a relationship for that matter), and you just work through all of them together.
The imagery of the finger in the mane! Ahh!
- 1 vote
One of my football coaches actually had his finger torn off completely when it caught a nut on the cab when he was getting off a tractor, it could not be saved. As for me the closest i will get will be a ring tattoo (high voltage and gold do not mix, also i am not willing to re brake my finger to put a ring on) , my wife, just wants one to hang on a necklace, according to her rings destroy drawing paper.
- 2 votes
Loretta,
This thread made me instantly think of when I worked in a nursing home in college. I had the following conversation with one of the residents:
Her: how many children do you have
Me: I don't have any
Her: Well how long have you been married
Me: I'm not married
Her: What? How old are you
Me: I'm only 19 ma'am
Her: Honey, you're an old maid! Now you just need to get married and quit dawdlin'.
As we say in the South, Bless her heart. LOL
Of course, on the flip side of that, I do happen to be one of those women that truly did want to grow up and get married and have babies and stay home with them. And I knew it early on. And I can remember sitting in a High School English class talking about goals. When asked I said what I truly wanted to do was to one day be a mom and stay home with my children. The teacher's response, "But don't you want to do anything with your life?"
Damned if you do, damned if you don't really...Don't want to get married or have children? failing at womanity...Content (even desire) to be a wife and mother? failing at womanity...*sigh* what's a girl to do...
Incidentally, I very happily have achieved my truest goal and abso-freaking-lutely adore my jobs as both wife and mama. :) Though, according to the resident's standards, I was scandalously late about it! LOL
- 2 votes
#15 - Sat Mar 6, 2010 4:50 AM ESTThere's nothing wrong with wanting a domestic life as long it's your choice. Too many women around the world don't get a choice and forced into marriages as girls before they even hit puberty and have children while they are children themselves.
The point is that you live your life as you see fit and not as someone tells you.
My cousin was like you and she married young annd had 2 childrenand never got the "Hurry it up" and this in Texas. It's females that are more likely to get damned for going against the grain than those who seek a more traditional global path.
I started my career in nursing homes and was an aide for 6 years before becoming a RN and have been one for 16 years now.
We are lucky to live in a part of the world where we can choose to live our lives as we want.
- 2 votes
Gwen,
I remember those days well. My mother becoming hysterical almost because I would not go to "charm school." Makes my flesh crawl even thinking about it. But in those days, all the girls were supposed to learn the proper etiquette that would help you catch a man and make him happy after marriage.
Girls in high school were supposed to already be engaged and planning their wedding right after they graduated (or quit school and marry, sometimes with a shotgun wedding). They never got a chance to find out who they were and they were already saddled with kids and a hubby.
Not for me. Not for my daughters. I taught them early on to postpone marriage at least until mid 20s so they had time to do the things they wanted to do before they settled down.
- 4 votes
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