Why Sex Toys Need a Woman's Touch

It's noisy but it is effective, except when it's late at night.

And a lot parents often don't communicate with their kids honestly about sex so what's new, Alkimija? You aren't the only one with parents like that. I don't get worked up over that ever; life goes on, you know. Oh well.

Frankly, I never could nor would want to be so chummy with my parents to go shopping for vibrators together nor know about their sex lives. I'll pass on that. Certain boundaries are not so bad.

I'll save that for shopping with GFs.

Alkimija,

Time to have that "boundaries" talk with your momma! If she wants to clean, restrict her to dusting, vacuuming, the bathrooms, garage, and kitchen...Closets, drawers, and your bedroom are off limits! Yikes, even without toys, there is too much private info that she could come accross. I, personally, have to give kudos to you for having your parents staying with you for that long--I have a hard time with anything more than 2 or 3 days :) If they were snooping--I'd probably be in some sort of BIG trouble! LOL.

Loretta, you're right. It is a shame I can't talk to her about those sorts of things. There seems to be a cultural and generation gap that I simply can't breach with her on some subjects. I suppose the best way I can put it is that I accept her for who she is.

chelli, lol - yeah, it's been a long visit (thanks). Dad had an operation on his ankle and has been recuperating here. They're actually staying in my room and the little one and I are sleeping in the guest room. I love them both to death, they're both great company, but... you know what I'm sayin', heh.

Oh, and Mom doesn't generally recognize other people's boundaries, especially when it comes to privacy. I think it has something to do with growing up in the paranoia of a communist country.

These things look like they'd come in handy for storing sex toys from snooping eyes. Not that I would know. ;)

If you need to hide toys from anyone who is an adult, alkimija, you are either with the wrong person or in the wrong house.

There's nothing shameful about any woman having a vibrator and time for all to grow up and get over it and that includes parents, family, friends, and society as well a lot of fake feminists.

Thanks for your advice about my family dynamics.

I tell like it like it is and I am not a fake feminist nor fake humanist that pretends to care when they don't even if it's the wonderful vicariousness emotionalisms of the Web.

You are very welcome on the advice. I've taken it myself and hide nothing from anyone. Nor lie. If people don't like how I am and that includes toys, they can go where the sun never shines on a one way ticket. Life's too short to worry and care what any "friends" or so-called family members might think about something so natural if is to disparage me nor anyone else for it

Females need relief and devices don't have diseases, and if used with a modicum of self control - as I feel so many are - are not likely to have adverse side effects.

No other persons feelings are hurt either by a "bad relationship", so there is that to consider too.

So until a real relationship comes along and replaces some of the experience provided by devices, I feel that use of them can make good sense just so the female is comfortable with using them.....

If you need to hide toys from anyone who is an adult, alkimija, you are either with the wrong person or in the wrong house.

There's nothing shameful about any woman having a vibrator and time for all to grow up and get over it and that includes parents, family, friends, and society as well a lot of fake feminists.

Amen!

I have to admit, that when I saw the words "sex toys" on here, it was a lot like a dog hearing the word treat. And further commentary leads me to write that my little boy once asked me if I had bees in my room. *blush* I replied that there was one in there, but it left.

I will respond to you Loretta:

What would be an example of a lack of self-control? The whole point is to orgasm which necessitates letting go of control.

There is every reason to believe that if intense vibrations are applied to nerves frequently and over a long period of time, that some mechanical nerve damage may result, in a manner similar to that of the damage seen by jackhammer operators. While this may be rare, I feel compelled to point out that this activity...like so many others...if carried to a gross excess, may be harmful.

A woman doesn't need to give up her toys to have a relationship. They're just as fun with someone else as they are solo.

It was not my intent that devices are only a substitute for a relationship, and my own comments are based on the overwhelming choice of most of the population to form a relationship and have a significant other. Of course, everyone is entitled to live their own lives as they see fit and make their own assumptions about things as you have done Loretta...

5: As I've sad earlier....females should just take a mandatory 10-15 orgasms prior to intercourse, so as to "even up" the satiation factor between both partners.

Females have in some cases been demonstrated to be capable of multiple serial organisms via continuous stimulation. My own intent in making the statement(s) that I have is that if it can be done, and the female is interested in doing so, why not? Just because the male may be himself exhausted is no reason in my own mind for the female to give up any further satisfaction she may be seeking. As I have never been a female, and I assume you have never been a male, I don't see how it is possible to equate the orgasmic experience between the two genders as "being equal" in any substantiated way. If you believe it can be done, by all means publish the results, as I'm sure it will be a milestone in science if anyone, at anytime, manages to truly experience the world the way the opposite gender does in the same manner, and with the same level of detail.

I think we are really on the same page and are "talking past each other" at this point.

Sex devices in some cases "just make sense" as they can improve the experience of both partners.

I also agree completely that any form of "keeping score" is typically counterproductive. My implication with naming-a-number range was more aimed at the established ability of some females to experience a longer period of pleasure - in this case implied by serial orgasms - than can the vast majority of males who are typically limited to one, and then have to wait to try for another. So, males especially, should be advised of this, and not consider their partners to be "sex crazed" just because they might want an extended pleasure session.

I'm in a position to know there are a certain number of females in "therapy" of various types to overcome what amounts to "addiction to sex toys". This is somewhat off-topic, I realize, but I know one of the complaints from the "addicted" has been that after using the device it is the "only way" they can achieve orgasm. As a practical matter, I think this at least represents long-term desensitization of the nerves.... So my impression is based on long term - months, years, etc. - is at the basis of any possible nerve damage, and that the for the vast majority of device users, this may well be a non-issue. However, as Newsvine goes worldwide, I try to add certain low-frequency of occurrence "advisories" as who know who's going to be reading this, and from where?

Nice as always to converse with you Loretta. I appreciate your candor in these matters as I feel it's of service to many to get straight answers to issues.....

I am not a fake feminist nor fake humanist that pretends to care when they don't even if it's the wonderful vicariousness emotionalisms of the Web.

It's a wonderfully diverse world and people with differing points of views can be wholly feminists and humanists without agreeing with one another all the time. I do agree, you are certainly 100% genuinely you.

Life is indeed too short to waste time on what negative and malevolent people have to think or say in general. In particular I have little patience for those who speak out of both sides of their mouths and who still manage to say nothing of note.

Exactly, Alkimija. There have been too many people that state they pretend to care ( "I understand and care" BS) and actually don't and there actions demonstrate that in real life as well as cyber land. I have seen it all too often.

I also have no patience with others that believe they are the world's victims and are not ( they make there own problems, whine, and take others heartaches as theirs and it isn't), and yet act like they know it all and are actually the malevolent ones that speak with a forked tongue. The users of the world that are some of the world's biggest whiners/crybabies and I have no patience for and never did- what did they ever do for me or anyone, hmmm? They cause their own pain and then come a running and whining at top speed and want others to fix it and/or protect them. Uh, no, that's for little kids, not adults.

For those people, alkimija, "People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones."

If you feel you have to hide your toys, then maybe it's the people in real life that need to get a grip or you need to tell them so. No adult should disparage another for a natural function like that. If other people don't like it, tough.

Exactly, Loretta! You put it perfectly! You know exactly where I am coming from. While I was fortunate to have parents that believed in sex education ( scientific aspect only) early in life and ongoing, they never wanted to discuss nor acknowledge the emotional aspect of it, or at least my father was, my mother became more open to it when we both got older and our communication is so much better because of it. Other relatives, for the lack of a better term, were complete jerks about it, so I gave them the heave-ho. My life, my decision and all without whining.

++Claps+++

My mom was sorta from a farm but my dad was a city boy, but neither wanted us to "screw up" in such a post 1960s world of free love so I started getting sex talks from age 4 and up. But never the emotional stuff. My dad never wanted to talk about and my mom finally felt comfortable with it after my late 20s. Now, we enjoy laughs over it. The rest of the judgmental relatives have taken a powder from my life so to speak.

Somehow, Loretta, farm folks seem to have no qualms about sex talks. My maternal granny was always very open about it and even had a ribald sense humor about it and she was 100% pure Mexican farm girl! The memories of her sex talks with me as a kid still make me laugh. She was amazingly honest =)

Good points, Loretta! I didn't hear about that joke but Granny Raquel certainly told some whoppers of jokes and gave some very realistic practical advice about sex, stuff that I found true even today. She was the oldest of 13 kids so she had to do all the milking, chicken egg collecting, watching and helping the younger siblings, farming the vegetable crops ( a small farm but busy), etc.

True, nothing to hide. =)

Lilith. Although I agree that some people claim to care when they actually don't, there are also those who refuse to acknowledge that there are others who actually do care.

The latter is sadly self-isolating; this self-imposed prison being almost impossible to break free from - impossible and incomprehensible proofs always being demanded, malevolent motivations always being attributed to every behaviour. These imagined infractions are reacted to as if each fantasized slight is of life-threatening import, pushing people away, alienating the sufferer.

My ex was like that; he suffers from bipolar disorder. On the wrong medication, he was worse. With the right medication, he could have been better. Unfortunately, that didn't happen.

The point being, it's easy to walk away from people who are correctly perceived as uncaring; but we can't walk away from ourselves if we isolate ourselves from those who do care. Although I have sympathy for the pain these people feel, their pain is self-imposed. I can't help them, nobody can help them - only they can help themselves. Unfortunately, in my experience, an individual with a paranoid, hateful view of the world around themselves has a particularly hard time recognizing that it is not the world with the problem, but themselves.

When we come across such a person, the best thing to do is not to play into their mind games. They need something, even if the most minor incident, to justify their paranoid vendettas. If anything, we may only hope that they get the help that they need - after all, they're only frightened little children who never grew up, who always believe everyone is out to get them... frantically throwing those stones from inside their glass houses without realising the truth of their sad situation.

*sighs*

Ok, back to the topic at hand. My apologies, Loretta, for wandering astray.

Maybe I shouldn't have commented on this thread. I actually don't have any sex toys. Not that I'm concerned that other people might find them if I did: My reasoning has been so far, why put coffee whitener in your coffee when you can have real cream? Although I have to admit... I've always been curious. ;)

Loretta, you explained that so very well. If we cannot accept others for who they are, it's best to move on. It's a hard thing to do in particular for women, I think, since many of us have been taught that it's a woman's responsibility to keep the family together, to suffer in silence, to mediate, to heal. If not for the women's liberation movement...

So true, Alkimija. There are two sides of the coin. My dad was like that, plenty of people did care and he never acknowledged it so he died more lonely than alone. Many people do what he did and I see that every day in my line of work. They can only be helped when they are ready to ask for it, until then no one can do anything.

But if being close to them, hurts the others who care, then it is best to withdraw from them which I did. There's no room for more pain in an already painful world. Nor do I put with those who whine and do nothing to fix their problems yet expect others to do so. I have always taken care of myself and others too and do not have time for the whiners.

As for the cyber world, we cannot truly know each other only via posts and phones etc without true human contact and continued contact. To pass judgment without truly knowing that person by labels and indirect witticisms or sarcasms is not a good reflection and words without seeing body gestures/language will always be subject to misinterpretation. I've found that here ( and different places) online with others that claim to know me and don't in spite of a level of trust given by me to them that the people did not deserve nor truly ever did anything for me. I have given people here and elsewhere actual money and real support ( I will not name them because I value their privacy) and not just "banding around" when there were negative comments i.e. toward a person. On the reverse side, when I got an angry with a guy here, I passed judgment on him without knowing and truly felt bad about it. I later apologized to him for it privately.

The ones who care are those who really do and stand by me, that's what I believe and I am fortunate to have them here: Mike, Tina, Larry, Cleo, my mom, etc. No one here is capable of that because of the limitations of this given media; they won't help me move, take me to work, give me money for the medical bills ( though they could give me money- I've given to needy people via PayPal and online contact was all I had with them) etc. Posts and phones calls do not make a friend, IMHO, but really being there for them. The written word will never ever replace a hug. Never.

To those here that pass judgment so quickly and do not know, I say "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones." and "Look in the mirror first." I don't know them and don't judge them nor should they judge others and/or me. Otherwise, all words of beneficence are meaningless and that includes "Blessed be", "God be with you" and "Namasté" etc. I have heard from such people.

So now I'm done, Alkimija and that's my point. Loretta, my apologies for my little soapbox but I felt I needed to clarify myself. Thanks you! ++bows++

BTT, as for sex toys they can fun alone and even more fun with a trusted intimate. The choice is yours and there are plenty of women friendly shops nowadays from Goodvibes to Lady Calston to Xandria and more. House O' Chicks has great vulva puppets and pillows for the sex learning impaired that have no idea what labia are and where the clitoris is and want to learn.

Lilith, it seems that a lot of your posts of late are quite judgemental, characterising other people in general as uncaring, fake, and whiny. I haven't seen anyone behaving in this manner toward you here or anywhere of late - certainly not by anyone that I regard with any esteem.

Personally, I don't place much value in how much money I might be able to milk out of someone or how much furniture I can get them to lug about on my behalf - I value the most intangible things in others the highest: morals, ethics, honesty, understanding, empathy, respect. A true friend is one that will tell you like it is instead of telling you what it is you want to hear - and they certainly shouldn't only be around for materialistic, selfish benefit. Although you may certainly be able to get a hug from someone in person, that hug means absolutely nothing if its "price tag" is too high.

If I have a problem with someone whom I value, I try my best to make peace - because there is, as you wrote, already too many hurdles in life without having to deal with problems that don't really exist. Certainly trying to work out the problem like a rational adult is much preferable to spitting none-too-subtle poison arrows at the target(s) of your dissatisfaction. Other people aren't always the problem: sometimes, when a person is incapable of seeing the good in others, the problem is with their own hostile cynicism and insecurity.

All that said, if you are genuinely upset with anyone and really don't want to try and work out the problem(s), I suggest that it might be best if you avoid that individual (or individuals) completely instead of directly or indirectly inflaming a situation that might not be a situation in the first place. Sometimes, instead of trouble finding you, you create your own trouble.

If you really aren't getting what you want from interaction with people on-line, and if you really feel that there is no such thing as a friend who is not there physically - then perhaps there isn't any place online that will satisfy your personal requirements. But that's a decision you have to make for yourself. I guess the answer will be found in whether or not you decide to stay or leave. I personally would be sad if you chose to leave, or if you chose to remain angry with anyone here at Newsvine. After all, people can (and will) only stand by you if you let them.

If you feel the urge to discuss this further, Lilith, I suggest you contact me via e-mail.

Once again, Loretta, my apologies for the derail. I will not be responding to further comments along these lines.

Ok, I wasn't planning on continuing here but I'll reply......

Well, Alkimija, there have been other folks and you just don't know them because you don't go to the same sites nor threads I do overall.

As for putting the shoe on the other foot, lately I could say the same about your posts and a few others here and on a lot of places but I can't and won't since I don't know you at all and it's unfair to judge a person without knowing all about them. Are you not doing that of me? If so, then you be wrong, if not, then I apologize. I agree, we create our own trouble, both myself and you too as well as the rest, for that's how life is. We choose our own pleasure and pain and we choose how to adapt (or not) to life here on earth.

As for misinterpreting, you just did that, I believe. Money is a physical attribute and hugs are not nor ever prostituted. For example, no one here was there at my dad's funeral when I needed it most and words written on computer screen don't make it better; they just don't. Where do you get that from? My point there was that I really help people in need, not empty words but with actions. I prefer a person that is there for me in person. Online, well, people can't be there for me when sick, can't change my leg dressing wound i.e., take me to the doctor, pick me up from surgery, etc. Reading words, hearing on a computer forum doesn't cut it. It doesn't replace the importance of human touch and the wonderful magic it carries; that power to heal and love.

For me, online is a hobby overall, and I'm not unrealistic. My online acquaintances are not friends in the pure sense of the word and cannot stand by me. Period. How can they? They don't know me and I don't know them. Online folks are acquaintances at best and that's all. That's reality.

Angry with anyone on NV? No, you have to be truly a person that inflicted a great deal of real life pain and no one here and not even the guy and his group I am thinking of ever did that. And I did misjudge him, he has far more integrity than I believed.

No, I'm not leaving but I am not trusting any CL people who I don't know in real life already with personal information again. That's what the boundaries are there for. As for emailing you, I did that a while back and you never answered so I will not do so again. I respect your privacy and everyone's privacy.

Now, that said, alkimija, I do wish you well and I do think you are a fine young woman with her priorities in place for her own life.

Loretta, I'm done. You may whip me now for continuing the derailment.

Loretta, I sincerely apologise for the above... I should have attempted to resolve whatever exactly is the grievance in question elsewhere. I for one would not condemn you for justifiably exercising your moderating duties.