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Article Source: Salon.comWhy…are you here?
Seriously. I'm asking.
What if…there were no lover, no spouse, no family, no job…none of the people or responsibilities that shape your world now? Who would you be then? Who are you…really…beneath it all? And what…are you here to do?
It was fun for a couple of weeks. But then this curious free fall began. And continues. I feel like an astronaut getting used to living without gravity. Nothing to hold me down, literally or figuratively.
Odd sensation, this. It’s changing me at the most basic levels. I’m morphing…into what, who knows? But I’m allowing myself to go wherever it takes me. And trying not to fight it. Or think too much. This is a renovation—an inside job my subconscious insists must be completed before I can move on to…whatever. And as it is with any renovation…things are a little bit messy right now. I sometimes don’t recognize myself anymore. That’s…a good thing. And part of the point, I think.
#1 - Wed Jul 14, 2010 4:19 PM EDTI'm nowhere near retirement, but I've been free falling since November 2007. It's interesting to watch all the crutches fall away and look down at my own two feet and realize that's all there is.
I'd wish I'd worn better shoes.
#2 - Wed Jul 14, 2010 4:34 PM EDTWell put. I went into free fall after the 1994 earthquake. I remember pondering what I was doing if all I was working so hard for could be gone in two seconds. I'd just lost dad two months before the quake. That was hard but expected. He was 83 and glad to move on to the next stage.
But the quake and its aftermath -- the insurance company from hell -- that was a different story. Made me question every small part of my life. I ended up changing lots, including a change of career.
My values changed tremendously as to how to spend my time and energy. That "lost" feeling turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me -- once I was through it.
But now, I'm feeling the same freefall the author of the article discusses, so I'll be pondering this article for weeks.
It's all very interesting, and helpful for me to detach from the outcome when I can.
I think a lot of people have never experienced this- an enviable position sometimes. For example, my ex father-in-law- he's been watching his cows from the same livingroom window for 50 years. He is tethered always to his routine, his duties and habits never changing. Consequently, he sees no good that can come from changing, from redefining, from upheaval of any kind because he simply has NEVER experienced it. His religious and political views reflect a life spent in a redundant, pleasant, bubble of sameness. I see how much comfort he derives from feeling so sure that tomorrow will most certainly look like today and why he would find our ever-transforming world troubling.
It's a luxury I do not have. I'm okay with that because I would tire quickly of watching cows with binoculars.
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