15 Things That a Battered Woman Needs.

Male dominated religions started this whole idea that women don't have rights and are basically "property". Religion teaches girls that their value is their virginity and subsequent willingness to have children loyal to the religion. While currently Islam is the most repressive to women, western women have only emerged from thousands of years of domination and the suspension of all rights. Until women are really honest about the pope, their reverend/pastor's or islam we will stagnate or go backwards. http://christianfeminism-olderandwiser.blogspot.com

Jan:

While I agree that in general religions are populated with male "leaders", if the word of the LORD is properly interpreted (at least to my reading of the Bible, etc.,...) ones spouse and children are the highest priority in the man's life.

While we as human beings maywillingly take on the responsiblities of of marital vows and covenants, this DOES NOT in any way - in my own mind - EVER equate to a female being mere "property". Nor a male either....

Were it up to me to try to start "setting the rules" I would try to not emphasize gender role training issues until near to puberty (which is linked to nutritional status so no "age" can truly be specified...), and at that time only emphasize as best I could that sexuality which may lead to the creation of life is a huge responsibility, and that responsibility should be put off until both spouses can and will be able to take care of, and raise that child. And, no, handing off to Mommy and Daddy to raise it for you is NOT a correct response.......they will both fade away and die long before that kid is fully fledged.....

One of the real areas of strife...which will continue settling out but ultimately make the United States all the more strong, is that the USA "in general" is NOT continuing to advocate male dominance in all things.

A few facts for those that think females have no role in US history or other than that of household chores and children (which are very important human activities all the same....no matter who does them...):

1- The USA fought WWII and won it in large part because "Rosie the riveter" made, tested, and delivered the means to do so to the men out "on the front lines" who ultimately fought the battles. No implements = lose the war. We won, and it was a team effort......

2- Females have tremendous insight and capabilities to communicate. At every opportunity where there is a chance, females should be incorporated into our foreign policy discussions and teams - teams made up of both males and females - as then a much broader and more accurate picture of what has and is happening can be realized. There REALLY are two different ways of looking at a lot of things - male and female - and in many cases, both lead to valuable insights. I will never understand why we would appoint only ONE person into these kinds of positions...it should be a male-female team......

The men who fear - yes FEAR - females have sought to dominate them using fear and punishment so that they will not compete with them. This is cowardly and wrong. There is a mentality in some males that females are like some animal that needs to be "trained" to act properly...which is WRONG. Both genders have typical greater and lessor capabilities, and acting as a team brings a much, much stronger team to a relationship, and helps better support families in the ways that really count, and make the USA stronger.

Persons of either gender which seek to dominate, humiliate, or subjugate the other can and should, really must, be eliminated from the societal pool. Unfortunately, the weasels among us are experts at acting the role of "decent and successful" human beings, and reproduce before the unfortunate spouse realizes that they've been cuckolded by a shyster.

It is really females in the US society who have the choice who to reproduce with, and I can only hope they learn very well how to recognize weasels, and don't reproduce with them, so over time there are fewer spouse abusers out there - whether via nature, nurture, or the usual combination of both.....

US Citizen - ...."ones spouse and children are the highest priority in the man's life." No disrespect meant but the highest priority in a man's, or anyones, lives is to love the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul first and family is second...but not any less loved by you nor the Lord. :)

Kathleen: Thank you for correcting me....what you pointed out was "assumed" by me, as if that is not true. loving others is not really possible.....

Have a nice day.

Are we supposed to love the god who is going to send billions to suffer eternal torment in hell or the god "hippie" god who died for his own need for a human sacrifice for "sin? Sometimes I get really confused about the need to love a god who would just as soon torture me forever as not.

Jan: One possible view is that human torment is due to and/or caused by other humans...not by GOD, and that GOD does NOT agree with such torment/torture for the righteous.

If GOD chooses to send the unworthy and minions of evil to torment in hell, that to me is up to him, and I'm sure there are good reasons for it, as those who are in the service of evil in some cases cannot be saved, and should be kept separate from those who are not, even off of this Earth..... GOD is all knowing and can tell if someone is beyond saving or not....

It makes sense to me.....

If all the nobel laureates, Einstein and brilliant scientists continue to be correct, GOD was the PLANET and not the "Easter Bunny" males made up in his own image.

GOD the planet doesn't do anything to man; man does it to himself?

Certainly is looking more and more that way daily, unfortunately.

Which in turn takes us full circle to Loretta's point:

Everything created by MAN (NOT God the planet) was created to keep women Second Class Citizens (ie. to control and use for his sexual pleasure)

NOT according to this man, or in my own home, or in my own life......

We all have the individual capability to think for ourselves, and are accountable for our own actions once we are "adults", so any "logic" put forth to subjugate other human beings is at best questionable...except where criminals and the mentally incompetent may be at issue...which is not to be properly applied to the entire female gender......

"We all have the individual capability to think for ourselves"........

Well, obviously we haven't, or both man and the planet would NOT be in the suffering mess it's in and getting worse by the hour, sad to say.

US Citizen, Just got back into town and read your reply to my # 2.3 comment....Wasn't trying to correct you at all. Your facts are backed up wisely. And, you are correct, if I'm reading you right, a person cannot love another unless they love themselves and are happy with that. I'm always interested in what you have to say on any topic here on the "blog." :)

Thank you Kathleen, as I think we both are feeling much the same way about love, what it means, what it takes for real love to happen, etc.

I hope you have had a nice weekend, and will have a nice day.

US Cit.

As always, U.S. C, I agree with you. Love is precious, fragile at times but has a strength when bound one to another that no one else can break, only the two that are involved no matter what temptations pass by. That is love to me.

Why are you even here?

That last post was directed at Ben.

Are you sure you want to brave the mood I'm in right now?

I've been around the vine long enough to know what kind of person you are Loretta, and I'd be happy to brave any of your moods, any day. Your worst mood is better than many viners' best moods.

Why are you even here?

Because I have a weakness for cheap jokes... I can't resist plucking the low hanging fruit, even when the topic is a sensitive one. I'm sorry.

You don't have to be sorry for having a sense of humor, Ben. Don't be so easily controlled, and intimidated.

Becoming strong, self-reliant, self-determined, with self-confidence and conviction are the only solutions to this problem. I can’t believe you don’t understand this.

Having confidence and conviction in your own determination not to be treated in a disrespectful way is all it takes to walk, or run, or fight, or call for help. Sounds real simple but without training in these self-skills it is the hardest thing to even imagine. Yes, I know what I’m talking about.

That's what TARP(Teens At Risk Program) is all about, learning the skills of self-reliance.

I know all about the dynamics of intimidation, and it can only exist where it is allowed to exist.

Dale----I don't know about TARP but I've known of other teen programs over the past 24yrs dealing with domestic violence and/or addictions in the home life. My focus, my value in when I'm helpful, is 1) staying grounded in seeing the abuser realistically, and 2) dialogue.

I can't imagine any teen program suggesting what you're saying to Loretta. I think you might want to check back with someone on that before you represent their standards as you've stated. Perhaps you were given advice as applies to your particular situation -- it's good advice -- but it doesn't apply to everyone in every situation. No advice does.

It's all about connecting the dots. It starts and ends with intimidation. I'm sure you know this, and yes it is sad.

But, we can nip it in the bud by learning how to be in control of ourselves.

I was a battered woman at one time . Best advice I ever got ? " Don't go away mad - just go away"

I'd have to agree with dale there on a big part of not getting right back into another same situation is changing YOURSELF. Concentrating on the abuser isn't the answer.

Perhaps you learned intimidation as a victim, and your way out is to *nip it in the bud* the only way you know how. If so, go right ahead. Your intimidating backlash isn't going to hurt me, and I'm sure Loretta can take it. The hope is that when the danger subsides, you'll have compassion for others who find themselves in danger also, as in the attached article about battered women. They could use your feistiness, once you've learned to open your eyes a little wider to other forms of intimidation.

Absolutely the only person we can change is ourself. And tough, tough measures must be used. Where I come from, the advice about family/friends/community in this article are opposite. The tough part is breaking those ties, at least temporarily, to establish safety -- sometimes for a year. Dialogue/language plays a big part.

The people here who are basically defending the abusers, don't ever go into counseling for abuse victims. Better yet, stay away from battered women period.

Yes I did read the article and I agree with most of it, but the outright hostility toward the abuser is mostly in the comments. The only thing I saw in the article that seemed to be perpetuating this myth was this : "

that the batterers’ “problem” is not poor impulse control, or a tortured childhood, but “his sense of entitlement to the life, services, affection, undivided attention and loyalty of his victim”;3 and that battering is not impulsive, but instrumental – that he doesn’t have poor impulse control, a temper problem, a short fuse, an explosive personality, but that he has carefully planned the abuse to get what he wants or to punish her for breaking his rules.

I do get it. I have been there and done that myself. But I know that the poor pathetic @!$%# truly can't help himself, if he could he would - but I sure can't help him and if I wanted to live I needed to leave.

Most of the men who abuse their wives don't want to be that kind of man - they can't help themselves. Most of them certainly don't plan it. Half the time they are high or drunk when they do it. They do have poor control of their temper and it may have come from the way they were raised. Unfortunately because they can't grasp their problem (or even the idea that it exists) they won't fix it. It's up to the victim to harden her heart and move on. This is absolutely the hardest part of it and can't be taken lightly.

In the case I cited, about the man stalking his ex and murdering her with his car, how would feeling better about herself have stopped him?

First, obviously restraining orders didn't help. If he's like some I know, you could even lock him up for years and he could still come after her when he got out (angry that she ruined his life by getting him locked up). But not knowing anything else about this couple - all I do know is: she was still intimidated by him, so he was still in control. Bullying the bully won't solve the problem either. Legal action is no different than violence when it comes to escalation - it's just a different style.

And not only that, but guess what? There's more out there just like him and if she doesn't solve the problem she has that allows him to intimidate her, she will more than likely end up with another one.

Actually though, I thought the article was great. It really pointed out what women really need when they are in that situation - SUPPORT. It really didn't focus on the abuser, who in my mind is the pathetic loser of the situation - who should IMO be pitied, not hated. As Kurt vonnegut says : "The opposite of love isn't hate - it's apathy."

sunny- very interesting perspective on this. Did you see any signs of this bully behavior, back in the beginning of your relationship? If so, how often do you see these signs now, in other men?

And if I may ask you a very personal question, please ignore if it comes across wrong. Looking back, can you see your passive behavior, in the beginning, as a kind of permission for him to grow ugly?

I'm sorry Sunnybunny, if I can retract that last question and rephrase it.

Back when things started to go bad, can you see now, that not walking out then was interpreted by him as a sign that he could escalate his bad behavior?

(They also choose when to abuse.)

Exactly the point. Never give anybody, at any time the chance to abuse you.

(Some women have better radar when it comes to recognizing these men. Those women get out of their lives early on, not because they were abused but because they picked up on vibes that alerted them that something is wrong -- and they acted on those vibes.)

Exactly the point again. Being alerted to a problem and acting on those vibes is the KEY ISSUE here, I don’t understand why all the hostility, we’re saying the same thing.

Because everybody isn't the same. If you have a trainer to run track meet, and you follow all the rules and win, and you think all anybody needs to do is just what you did, that's not accurate. We weren't born physically or psycologically the same.

What we do is share experience, strength and hope, and find our similarity.

Just as all men Loretta describes are not the same. I believe what she says is absolutely true for her and many others. I know she's dead-on about knowing your abuser -- know him even better than you know yourself. I find mirror image in about 80% of her experience.

We're not all cut from the same mold.

(We're not all cut from the same mold.)

And that's a good thing, but we can all learn how to recognize danger signs, and train our self-defense skills to the point of knowing how to take affirmative action by leaving or defending ourselves.

Dale, this is my final attempt to say the same thing politely. Everyone is not YOU. I realize you're in a teen program, and it's gratifying that you're so excited about sharing what works for YOU with others, but everybody isn't YOU, and everybody can't possibly turn into YOU.

I have a suggestion. Have you ever heard of Myers-Briggs? It's usually for adults. It's a psychological test, but all the major corporations in the 90s used them for employees for training purposes, for HR and employee compability, etc. There are 4 qualities, and we each lean more to one side of the scale. One quality is Extrovert/Introvert. Another is Feel/Think. And 2 more. Which makes a combination possibility of 16. I've seen it on the internet.

Point is -- this has nothing to do at all with emotional makeup or any abuse history or family dynamics. This is a place to start, before those factors are keyed in. You'll find that not everybody is better off to follow your exact mold, but everybody IS better off to have heard your story and adapt it to what is possible for them.

BS. I have been that wet, limp friggin dish rag as he screamed in my ear making me want to crawl down into the bathtub drain. I will never forget how that felt, and I have become super sensitive to recognizing that same kind of crap and I will never, ever take that @!$%# again. And it is my wish that nobody ever have to live through that helpless, hopeless, totally frozen state of mind ever. Pitty parties are just a feel good kind of thing that has absolutely no effect on that person once the party is over and they once again have to face the demon!!!

now i hot!! good bye.

Thanks Loretta, but that was years ago, when i was a kid. he was not an abusive dad at all, but he did give me my first good ass whooping that left an impression. and that is the main purpose of a good ass whooping.

but what i have seen since then a thousand times is that same kind of in your face hollaring and intimidation crap that just pisses me off.

the only kind of support anyone can depend on when facing these demons comes from within. We came into this life alone and we leave alone and we have to learn to get along alone cause when that demon is in your face, you are alone, so kick his ass or cower in fear.

Loretta, the very first word in the article sums it all up....."support."I've never seen a case, including my own, that there was not a need for support, especially the protection of the battered woman's mind! Law enforcement officers are starting to get it, pretty well now, that their not only dealing with wounds one can see but, sometimes and even more devastating, the wounds of the woman's mind and soul. Emotional turmoil, severe lack of trusting anyone, not wanting to be afraid........that takes a lot of support from family members, and many different agancies. Please, let's NOT forget the menwho are beaten to pulps by their wives! I was on the Subic Bay Hospital Board and we put the "Charter" for all overseas military bases together. The very first thing that started showing up was spousal abuse and I mean horrific cases! People started coming out of their hiding places and started talking or we'd see 'emcome through the Emergency Room. Both Women and Men. The mental torment these people went through was lessened when we took the cases, did the investigations thru JUSMAG and prosecuted the guilty individuals. (The men were usually civilian dependants abused by their military wives, but not always, and the battering was no less severe in impression than the women we protected.) Over the years I've seen the charges for domestic battery go to more severe levels but still women and men are brutalized by their supposed loved ones. *O.J. Simpson's wife, Nicole, and her boyfriend Ronald Goldman come to mind. We worked that case and O.J. was as guilty as hell. Karma caught up with him though, hehehe! *face resting on palm - why wasn't the fact that he sat on the "Swiss Army Knife" Board ever brought to light; Why wasn't the fact that Nicole was nearly decapitated and the slicing blade side matched perfectly to the massive cut marks she took to the throat? Why wasn't the fact that the "grating" marks found on Mr. Goldman's neck matched the large Swiss Army knife's opposite grating, or scaling, blade and fact the "gratings" matched perfectly when compared with the size knife that that box had held...and, gee, there was a police dept. photo of the Swiss Army box the knife came out of and the photo was taken in O.J.'s home in his master bedrooms bathroom where the box was perched on the top of the tub and the top cover had been slid over the bottom cover as it had been opened for use. This was a case that involved stalking by O.J., spying into her bedroom, scaring the hell out of her every chance he got, phoning and threatening her night and day; intimidating her boyfriends, threatening her dates, and then killing Nicole and Ronald. (after so many "tells" and many 911 calls the police ignored because Simpson was a Heisman Trophy winner, a former football star), Escalations like this are all too common. A pure passion/psychotic murder and I've seen my share of these cases. That's why "Battered (Women's) Syndrome" is such a vital crime to delete ASAP both legally (ramp up the charges) and informatively - SUPPORT & LISTEN to the abused, please. I just told you of the classic case of a battered woman (and gentleman) who died because of who her husband was and sloppy police work

The military has come a long way from where it was in the early 80's when this Charter and implementation of such was put in place at Subic Bay N.A.S., Philippines and also announced in "The Stars and Stripes" (the Militarys' newspaper). The latent and usually more dangerous type of abuser is what's called a controlled split personality. "He's a lot of fun at parties and makes a great steak when he barbecues." Mel Gibson has shown his true colors, finally...we all knew, in the line I work in, that his temper was terrible but only the look in his eyes and a trained professional eye could see it, until now. He's sounds as if it may be 2 possible problems; bi-polar with psychotic tendencies or PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). This was intimated in an interview with "Entertainment Tonight" in 2002 by Mel Gibson. So, he knew about his mental condition. And, since he did then why didn't he and his doctors monitor his blood serum levels, for what ever meds. he should have been on, and his psychiatric health better? It is not up to me to diagnose Mr. Gibson but I can tell you this - he was aware by admission that he had an alter ego and gave it a name in 2002. He is responsible for every action he undertook on or off any medications. And that makes him guilty of not controlling his mental health nor keeping up with taking his meds.( he'd already searched out a doctor); thus causing negligence within his own self-control and severely harming this woman. He should serve time in prison for his beating and smashing the teeth of his baby's mother. And while she was holding the baby?! What an ignorant, out of control thing to do (that could have been avoided if he was taking medication and therapy for his condition)..he could have caused that baby to fall out of the mother's arms unto the ground. * eyes rolling in disgust.

Loretta, I think it's a shame and a disgrace for any of this to have happened. "Part of the allegations is that he hit the baby while he was assaulting the mother." Loretta, he may be aware he has a mental condition but to tell someone "unsafe for you....last night" has very little baring on him knowing how to handle his condition, obviously he didn't. If he had just found out that he had a mental disorder that would be a whole different ballgame but he'd known since 2002!!!! Either his doctor can't help him comply or Mel's not taking his meds. or he needs to be court ordered to comply and that shouldn't be too hard in prison. With what you just posted I would think it's bi-polar and off his medications.....his celebrity should NOT come into play once he's in the courtroom and at trial. Let's see if it does.........He is in need of some serious therapy and could have been abused and we are seeing the fruits of that horror. Who knows.

storyartist- Re #5.8 ( I can’t imagine any teen program suggesting what you’re saying to Loretta.)

I just checked with my sources with TARP (Teens At Risk Program) and it is assumed that these basic principals of individual growth are universal concepts. The hands-on experience with learning self-defense skills is an individual control issue of the self and the body, and we feel it would apply to an abused-adult equally as well as it does to an abused-child or abused-teen.

Having control over one’s own body and mind consists of affirmative action (motion), and those steps must be learned and practiced until they become proficiently skillful and natural, then the overall effect becomes that of having self-confidence, with options. It works for kids and we feel that adults could benefit from having this kind of self-confidence as well.

The empathy lessons learned with working directly with abused animals has the self-identity benefits of relating to and understanding how the healing process works, and it brings out the need and reality of getting past the pain and moving on with purpose. My sources feel that these insights and lessons would apply equally as well to adults.

The patience and empathetic understanding of how a dog understands and learns complex sequential training tasks in agility training is a key to understanding how we learn and how our kids tick and learn and understand.

The healing process of getting past abuse is found in moving forward with positive and affirmative action towards a purposeful goal. It works on dogs, horses, kids, teens, and we feel it will work with adults too. IMHO

Loretta- The TARP (Teens At Risk Program) is in its infantile stages at this point but a full description of it and how it can apply to a victim in 'clear and present' danger can be seen by reading my article "Rape and Abuse Happens, lets move on to Damage Control."

Not up yet, I'll get a fire going...

Damn lawyers are dragging it out with negotiating fees for liability claims they haven‘t designed loopholes for yet, might just have to stay low-key for a while longer.

Rape and Abuse Happens, let's move on to Damage Control.

http://dale95.newsvine.com/_news/2010/06/23/4539107-rape-abuse-happens-lets-move-on-to-damage-control

I don't agree with dwelling on the grieving part, that's negative training and it is not positive.

She is not burying her pain or ignoring it, she is facing it head-on, and kicking ass. She's going to be a warrior.

I only know what works and what doesn't work. When I look around at the mess this society is in with endless therapy sessions and drug abuse (prescription) I see what doesn't work.

I guess we must agree to disagree on this, if you can agree to that?

You mentioned your experience with working with animals. The beautiful thing about animals is they live only in the moment and that is where the healing process takes place. Dwelling on what happened in the past and focusing on why it happened and the whole blame issue routine is counterproductive to forward growth. Face the issues, state the facts, plan the future and MOVE FORWARD.

You also mentioned all the excuses, problems, and complexities of having jobs to go to, kids to take care of, bills to pay, and at the same time the pressures of avoiding being killed by the perp. Looks like a priority problem here. It seems to me the best and only viable solution would be to remove the victim and kids, immediately, to a safe place where their focus could be on healing. The TARP (Teens At Risk Programs) are set up just for that kind of safe-haven for second chances.

Abuse is a universal problem not limited to women, and, specializing in only that specific area greatly limits the overall perspective range of association with others in similar situations. Spousal abuse, child abuse, animal abuse are all related, in that they are all victims of sociopathic behavior from a perp that was never socialized properly as a child in empathy and respect for others. It is not an emotional denial issue of the he/she type as you described. This is not to say that there aren’t women who hate men, or men that hate women, there are, but that is a result of improper socialization as children or other circumstances as an adult. There are many, many women and men out there in this world who are completely emotionless, and that is a sad sociopathic problem we need to address in our country and in our school systems, but that is another issue.

The problem with America, as I see it, is that we talk too much about our problems . Discussion is good, support groups are good, brain-storming is good, but there comes a time where action speaks louder than words, and that is what TARP (Teens At Risk Program) is all about. Minimal talk with just pure unadulterated action in empathy training, patience training, self-defense training, animal training, mentoring training, affirmative action training, and just simply learning how to live in the moment, with purposeful goals to work towards. Getting away from the theory and back to the nature of living.

This is a very complex problem with many levels and layers and you keep mixing and matching points to a very frustrating degree, and putting words in my mouth that I did not say. I am beginning to wonder just what your motives are, but I digress.

(Do you have the funds do to this? )

The TARP (Teens At Risk Program) is a nonprofit organization that funds itself mainly, but receives grants from sources that agree with the principals. Most of the staff, mentors, and teachers are victims themselves and/or are just people (volunteers) who have dedicated their lives to helping others. (See Sally show Dick and Jane how to kick the bag. ) The key here is, there are no six figure professionals to support in this effort, only the victims and they support each other, think camaraderie. I suspect this is where a lot of the resistance comes from, but I digress.

(So how does telling women to "stop having a pity party" (stop having emotions) help this issue you don't wish to address?)

We seem to have differing opinions on what emotional support means. Telling a victim, it is not their fault, is only advantageous if in fact they think it is their fault in the first place. Continued denying of something that does not exist will, in fact cause it to exist. (Example- If you keep telling me that I’m not fat, I will begin to wonder and self-examine my features in the mirror just to make sure, and that is when I notice my bloobs starting to grow bigger. - Poor example, but I digress.) The emotional support that really has value is in the art of moving forward with positive action, not just talk, talk, and more talk.

(The issue of sociopaths is the one we should be addressing)

This is indeed the issue we need to address, at the beginning stages, way before it even becomes recognized as sociopathic behavior. It starts in grade school or before with narcissism and total lack of empathy for anything or anybody. ( e.g. Intimidation- Bullying ) This too is addressed in the TARP (Teens At Risk Program)with hands on examples in dealing with animals and life in general, with mentors showing and doing every step of the way.

I’m going to digress just one more time and tell you I am very pro-death penalty for child abuse and rape cases, with my only reservation being that of false conviction but that is another issue all together.

Yep!

Dale95 - "It starts and ends with intimidation." Dale, it may start and keep being fed by the perps intimidating tactics that usually grow more intense with every bought of abuse but it often doesn't end with intimidation unless you can call a dead body the most lethal form of intimidation. I understand what you're saying but intimidation is secondary to the control mode most abusers feel the need to express - control is enforced on the abused by intimidation of the abuser, in most cases I've handled. Lots of intimidation going on these days and parents watch your children with a hawks eye, btw.......and life goes on. Dale, have been outta town for a couple of weeks, on and off, so I'm glad to talk with you my friend. :)

Kathleen- my whole point is, the mind-set that makes a person victim-material. I know it all comes down to assertiveness and that comes from self-confidence which comes from self-efficacy which is experienced in actual, physical action in a practice mode or mentored in through example. The conviction of commitment to just say NO!!! This is what all our kids need to learn in grade school, self-protection skills of conviction. A perfect example was just seeded today, you've got to read it.

Pint-sized schoolgirl, 12, foils hooded burglar... with swift kick in the groin

http://cartooncat.newsvine.com/_news/2010/08/03/4806427-pint-sized-schoolgirl-12-foils-hooded-burglar-with-swift-kick-in-the-groin-

Hi Kathleen, Just read your entire comment and welcome back. I've got tunnel vision, but it's blurry though. While you were gone you may have missed two other seeds that show how the girls (all ages) are kicking butt on the perps. YOU GO GIRLS!!!

Great-Grandmother, 73, Fights Attacker, Tooth & Nail

LMAO!! Go Granny Go!! Dale, that's funny as hell!! I get what your saying...teach children to defend themselves and they won't have as bad a chance at becoming victims. This subject is about abused women and men, however. I really have had a slamming bad time the last 2 weeks hunting, yeh, the whole 9 yards of crawling around on my stomach with a bunch of my dudes (crew) to get a really vicious set of fellas, rapists and a couple of murderers, somewhere in Florida, I can't break protocal, and I'm frickin' tired!! I'm Cheering for the teenager that whooped some azz, also. I love it!! Dale95, thanks. I wonder sometimes if my work is doing any good at all and you come along and kick me in the pants and I pull myself up by my boot straps and keep on truckin' down the highway, so to speak. I feel better already. :)

Mighty Mouth, I wish it was that easy. Most people don't have a clue about abuse victims except to try and empathize or criticize (oh, they deserved it, etc...yada, yada) You said the answer yourself in your statement as to why some women do NOT leave an abusive situation; "the mental cruelty that paralyses....."There-in lies the major factor women will not leave......they are terrified and paralyzed to do anything for fear they will get what they've been threatened with by their abuser(s)...that's why it's so terribly important to take notice if anyone you know suddenly starts to change in personality, social settings, doesn't want visitors, doesn't answer the phone......step in, as a friend, and ask what you can do BUT don't blow the entire situation and lose her/his trust by trying to tell them what to do unless you see that this abused friend is in a fight for their lives, then...call the authorities. You may lose a friend, believe it or not, but you may just save their lives when they couldn't save their own. Loretta,your statement is right on the money, ........"won't get far before her abuser finds her and batters her again for trying to escape?"(That happened to me a long time ago and it won't happen again. That's why I do what I do - I've had everything in the book, almost, thrown at me by 20 different abusers and without the help of a trusted friend and lots of therapy when I was younger I could not do the job I do now. Catching child molesters. Very, very heated topic but I have the highest regard for your monitoring your article posts. You're very attentive to what is being blogged and that keeps a topic like this from turning into a circus. Thank You, my friend.

Loretta, Bless your heart. I've been in exactly the same situation you speak of. The dudes dead now.....not by my hand nor anyone I know. I told him he would die screaming for all the evil he'd done and he did. His house was on fire and he ran back inside to get something he thought was important.....the house collapsed around him. Mind you this was a man that fooled me totally. Ida, Arkansas is where he died. I was already in California working another job. Sometimes, you have to push the hell outta yourself and get things done. I love the "Rainbow hippies" that took care of me and my daughter while we stayed with them for 2 months. The leader of the clan was a 5th degree blackbelt.....thank God for him. The guys left me and my daughter alone, if'n ya know what I mean. My daughter takes no chit from anyone as far as abuse goes and the one fella that did smack her I kicked down a flight of stairs.....oh, well...no more motocross for him, lol.

I hope in England the children are taken care of more than here in the U.S., Mighty Mouth. "I do what I do because of what I've been through" and it started when I was almost 3 years old. But, I started heading for the positive healing without a map and made it. Some are not so lucky. I will not hesitate to intervene in a situation where a child is being abused in any way shape or form and I can do so legally. Mighty Mouth, children deserve our respect,admiration and protection. I stop and smell the flowers now and have for a while. To walk in the shoes of an abused person cannot be done except by the abused. Bless your heart. You sound like a very concerned person when it comes to women's abuse problems, thank you very much. I do it for a living now and have for 34+ years. Going after child murderers,( the biggest cowards that ever walked the face of the Earth), you name it I do it because I will not allow a person to inflict their angst on another helpless person. No matter how young or old.

'I do what I do because of what I've been through'....

Kathleen, your post is magnaminous and beautiful - as are you. The scars of your experiences have seemingly made a lion of you! - May the Lord bless and keep you always.

Peace.

That's very kind of you, MM. I'm a lioness for sure. A person hurts a child and I bite real hard legally. Older folks also....the helpless is who I love to protect but education of the entire population would really be a Blessing. I'm talking with the schools here in the Keys about starting a parental protection session. Not a sermon but an ongoing situation that will educate parents as to every aspect in my experiences and others I've known or helped. Children are pure...it's the input parents, friends, authority figures, and jerks on the street and t.v. that curdles a kids brain and up becomes down. Everything is about sex and kids are spoon fed "it" from the time their let loose on the t.v......you would be surprised what I and my crew have seen in children that they had been taught by one or both of their parents as to what is ok to watch on t.v. and "other" things...

You clearly have a passion for your work - I would imagine it preoccupys a great deal of your time. Your kids are lucky to have you!

I have to sign off now Kathleen - have a lovely evening!

A man who really loves you will make you feel GOOD about yourself - NOT bad and in angst when with him.

New Haven.....That is very true. I learned (the hard way) you have to go by their actions, not what they say or what you want to believe.

Dr. Phil says that until he's blue in the face:

"I go by peoples actions......NOT by what they say."

lol I don't watch him anymore. I used to. :) The one I remember is..."How's that workin for ya?" ;)