Just say no (to awful sex) | WEEKEND | Yale Daily News

This article hits on several things that should be discussed. The first is the unsatisfying nature of hook ups, at least from a gal's POV. I can't speak for the guys.

The second is how clueless we are about sexual satisfaction when we are young.

The third is how hard it is for women to communicate to men what they like. And perhaps vice versa. Part of the lack of communication is because women aren't supposed to engage in sex, masturbation, etc according to a good portion of the teachings in this nation. Per the religious right, our kids aren't supposed to learn anything about sex, especially girls. How can young women tell young men what they like if they've been shamed out of finding out about their own bodies?

And part of the reason is just the fact too many of our youngsters are being forced to rely upon online porn to learn about sex. Porn is the worst place they can learn about it, and yet that's where they're learning. Porn shows women being degraded, abused and taking their supposed satisfaction from men's satisfaction. Well, how's a guy supposed to know that isn't true if he doesn't have another place to learn?

And then there's the still too prevalent idea that women are supposed to please men and never hurt their ego. How does a young woman tell a young man she cares about he's lousy in bed without hurting his ego? No matter how gentle she tries to be, she's taking a risk she's not supposed to take.

LOL. Me too, but what about when you were young? Were you as bold then?

Thanks for the link. Here's an excerpt from the column (there's a lot more). I'm glad the column got people talking, including in class.

• Unsurprisingly, the column got a lot of traffic on the Yale Daily News site, and has spawned a lot of discussion on campus. I contacted Yagoda herself, who broke down the reactions to her piece into five categories:

1) Men who think it's funny. I've gotten a lot of emails from male friends who think it is hilarious, and even true.
2) Men who are offended by it. If you look at the comments on the actual link, there are a huge amount of negative comments, and I assume these are mostly from men. Men are talking about it and think, in a lot of ways, it's unfair and puts too much pressure on male performance. I got an email from a guy who said the article was hurtful because a lot of guys are already really insecure about sexual performance, and this is going to make things so much worse now that they know girls actually talk about this stuff amongst themselves.
3) Literally every woman at Yale is obsessed with it/finds it true. I've gotten a huge amount of random, positive responses. Women in relationships, single, and somewhere in between are resonating with it and posting it on their facebooks/twitters / etc. It's hugely gratifying!!! So many women are coming up to me and saying, Thank God you wrote that! I've been waiting for this article for so long; all of this stuff needs to be said!
4) Classroom discussions. Apparently classes and sections are talking about my article. My friend's Russian class. Another friend's lab. A class on relationships at Slifka, Yale's Jewish cultural center. And so many more.
5) Men who took this article as a challenge and now are shamelessly hitting on me! I went to a party on Saturday night and at least three guys came up to me and were like, "Well, you haven't had sex with me yet, so you don't know..." and then followed me around, hitting on me all night.

If she aspires to be a writer, this article will look great on her resume. Since we don't know her aspirations, we really don't know if it will harm her future career or not.

As to the subject of the article, while she focuses on men's skills in the first few paragraphs, she also criticizes women's part in not lousy sex further down. If you read the comments, it sparked a good discussion, which is always what an article should aspire to do.

Articles of this type are often published about women, mostly by college men giving other college men advice on how to get more sex. I've never seen one by a college man who is instructing other college men how to care about and satisfy their partner.

This article, Isla Vista 7 Ways to Spot the Slut, is no longer available online, but Jezebel still has a critique of it up. The Jezebel article gives a good flavor of this article written by a UCSB student and published in a student publication.

How To Spot The Slut: A Recipe For UC Students

Sluts - they're everywhere. But how does one find the elusive loose woman of ill repute? Ripping an entire chapter from The AskMen Guide to Douchebaggery is UCSB student Johnny Valamehr, who penned this colorful guide. Observe

I agree. Both sexes need good friends in the opposite sex. A good friendship stands long after sexual excitement is no longer the main focus in life. I still have friends from both sexes that's I've known from grammar school. It's so easy to talk to them because we shared our life's adventures, both the good and the bad. They understand me in ways others never will (and vice versa) because they know my history.