Red Lobster sentence? I'm not laughing

Loretta, I watched for years as my sister went through DV. I have had people ask why didn't she just leave....

I have it all outlined for them:

He never hit her before they married. Once married he hit her - she came home to my parents - they allowed her to stay the weekend & then told her she married him so she needed to go home (no support from family). He controlled all the funds - she was given money to do the grocery shopping (he lo9oked at the receipt & then asked for the change back - down to the penny). In the rural area we lived in there was no Women's Shelters until 2007. Everything (cars, house, bank accounts) was in his name only. She had two children.

Finally after 32 yrs of abuse she had somehow scrimped & saved enough money to get away. Her supervisor noticed the bruises on her neck & drove her home to pack belongings & then drove her to the shelter. My brother helped with rent money for the apartment & she has finally been granted her divorce. The last time her abused her - he dragged her out of the pickup by her hair - dragged her across the yard kicking her in the ribs along the way - into the house & up against the door by her throat... the dog tried to protect her but got a beating of her own & he told my sister if the dog ever did it again he would shoot it...

After she left he tried to have her arrested for car theft - the judge threw it out saying he could not keep all three vehicles.

So I can see why this woman would have asked to have him released, maybe praying the judge would see through it & throw him in jail anyways.

Loretta, our parents were to say the least horrible parents. My mother hated children and once we left the house they didn't want us back. My sister & I both made bad marriages to escape (while mine is not perfect, at least he has never hit me). My parents seemed to think since they were miserable being married than they should make everyone around them miserable. They only got married so they could have sex (good Catholics that they were) and practiced rhythm method BC which produced 6 kids (I was the last) until my mother cut him off completely. So abuse was kind a way of life foe us (mental, emotional). I have gotten passed trying to figure other people out & have settled for telling my children to make themselves happy before adding someone else to their lives. I hope they can find happiness.

Nica and Loretta, so true, both. Nica, I'm so sorry you and your sister had those dynamics - I've heard many stories that are nearly the same. Loretta, you've probably seen the following in at least one of my posts: no where in the Bible does it say "Husband gets to beat wife. No where." One of my sisters lives in a situation similar to what Nica described, the money control, the eggshell dance, except for physical violence (he hit her once in 40 some years of marriage). My sister deals with constant emotional, psychological, and then, financial abuse. I can't remember whether it was the time he hit her or one of the times she found out he was cheating on her (I count that as sexual abuse, given the potential danger to health), but she called her mother once (we are half-sisters - same father), who also told her she was married now and she had to deal with it. My parents weren't ever available in my adult life, so I handled things on my own. That one dynamic opens so many women up to abuse in many areas of their lives - no family back-up. And yes, I did divorce my abuser. He never beat me like you described your sister suffering, Nica, but there were violent incidents which he matter-of-factly admitted to a newspaper reporter. No remorse. No conscience. I did it to get my kids away from that imprinting and I was just done with it.

A friend of mine once told me this about divorce. The day you wake up and anything else is better than this, you are ready to get a divorce. That day came.

We need a better support system for women and their children (and some men who suffer this at the hands of their partners) so no one has to tolerate one more day of that stuff. I have said, since 1999 that we shouldn't be warehousing the women and the children in shelters. We should be warehousing the abusers and make them pay the bills on the places their families are still living in. It's also cheaper to house one abuser than the mother and X number of kids. One person told me it was easier to control the women and their children than it was the abusers and that was really why it's set up like it is. That just made me sick.

Goodmorning my sweet Loretta !

In today's world nothing surprises me anymore. We're going backwards faster than we can shake a stick at our wives. lol Example, who'd a ever thunk we would be rewarding kids with money to not play hooky and go to school. In our quest to abandon the principles of discipline, and consequences for our own actions, the after effects spill into all segments of our society now, including that of Domestic violence, I'm very sorry to say. Hang in there girls, I can't live without ya, so you'll always have my support.

Damn straight Freedom!

Keep your hands to yourself - go take a walk, go running. No excuse in the world to put your hands on someone.